(EDIT: On account of blogger messing up the HTML I copypasted from Paypal.com, and also on account of me not knowing how to do website things very well in general, the paypal links on the original version of this post last night were messed up. Things are all better now.)
Dear Marmaduke Explanation Enthusiasts,
I've received emails from a number of you, asking when I am going to make some Marmaduke Explained-related merchandise, in exchange for which they could give me money. As I've said before, I had no idea when I began this public service last summer that I would eventually end up impacting the internet to the degree it seems I have, or that I'd even keep up with it for more than a couple weeks ("a couple weeks" being my typical attention span for crap like this). But the internet is a strange creature, and I've been doing what I can to keep up with its nigh-insatiable demands.
I've updated this blog as regularly as possible, but as far as merchandise, I've been somewhat lax. Over the past month, I have given people the opportunity to send me money, in the form of donations to the Official Joe Mathlete Imaginary Dental School Tuition Foundation (to help offset the exorbitant costs of attending IDS, the finest graduate dental program in the world was fabricated by someone on the internet); each donor receives a Certificate of Charitability via email, but it is my understanding that most of you are probably interested in receiving something more substantial for your money than a jpeg.
Well guess what, most of you: Here's the chance you've been waiting for.
Starting immediately, I will begin taking pre-orders for the first-ever Joe Mathlete Explains Today's Marmaduke t-shirt. Featuring an explanation I've utilized multiple times (indeed, it applies to probably 85% of Marmaduke comic strips), this should definitely help get the word out to people who aren't sure what to make of Marmaduke, but don't have a computer. Each shirt is super-intense and confrontational, with a 3" x 10" design printed on black Hanes t-shirts with white ink (so basically, the opposite of that picture up there), and it has a cuss word on it! Best of all, they're only $13.50 (a buck more for XXL). Some shirts with cuss words written on them cost up to $30, but I'm in it for the cusses, not the money.
In addition to shilling these fine, high-quality shirts, I've recently begun a new undertaking, something that's as self-explanatory as Marmaduke is obtuse and perplexing. I'm pleased to announce my latest creative endeavor, Joe Mathlete Will Draw Anything You Ask Him To On An Index Card (For A Small Fee). It's more or less exactly what it sounds like, though I do recommend you read my Artist Statement/Sales Pitch to get the complete gist. Basically, if you've ever wanted to own a work of art by a young, up-and-coming, fantastically talanted and devastatingly handsome American artist, and you wanted said work of art to be created to your specifications, and you are extraordinarily cheap, I'm pretty much your only option.
As I said, I'm only doing pre-orders for the shirts at the moment; they will not be available to ship for at least another five to seven weeks. However, pre-ordering comes with a distinct advantage over regular-type ordering (and post-ordering, too): with every t-shirt you pre-order, I will throw in a free piece of customized, made-to-order, totally awesome Joe Mathlete index card artwork. In the business world, this is what we call a "premium." From my end, I think the word "synergy" also applies (I used to read Dilbert an awful lot when I was little).
Get your Paypal on below, and let's forever change the worlds of art, fashion, and/or commerce. If you don't have a Paypal account, they do take credit cards. Also, if you don't have a Paypal account, email me at JoeMathlete at Yahoo dot Com; I'm curious as to how you've made it to 2007 on the internet without one.
(NOTE: BECAUSE OF THE POST OFFICE AND MONEY, I CANNOT SHIP OUTSIDE OF THE UNITED STATES. MY BAD.)