CHRISTMAS SHIPPING TIMEFRAME = EXPIRED

Everyone who ordered shirts before midnight last night will receive them sometime next week, just in time to absentmindedly wrap them in old newspaper and hurry over to Grandpa's for the holidays. Everybody who ordered after midnight, your Grandpas are going to have to wait until after December 25th for their cuss-laden t-shirts, unless you want to take a sharpie and write "SHIT" or "FUCKBALLS" or something on a dollar-store undershirt. Totally up to you.

Christmas Beats,

Joe Mathlete

Marmaduke is serving time-out for capsizing his owner-family's Christmas tree. He signals his owner-lady to request if he would be able to serve it with a girl named Billy, but she denies him permission to do so.

In no universe could a real dog actually position its arm like that.

reminder: TODAY IS THE LAST DAY TO ORDER A SHIRT FOR HOLIDAY SHIPPING

I'm using the word "holiday" in the Wal-Mart/McDonald's sense, where it means "Christmas" or "December 25th. But yeah, you've got to order by tonight at midnight (CST) if you want any t-shirts by then.

Also, if you're Canadian and ordered a shirt and haven't gotten back to me, check your email.

CLICK HERE FOR YOUR LAST CHANCE AT THE HOLIDAYS NOT SUCKING

Marmaduke's will is ten percent of property law and has veto power over the other ninety percent.

T-Shirt Update

Number One: The deadline for domestic Christmas shipping is midnight, December 12 (that's Central Standard time, on account of I live in Houston and I'm not gonna stay awake an extra couple hours just so someone on the west coast can get their shit together). Click here and give me your money (in exchange for material goods)!

Number Two: If you're from Canada and are planning on ordering a shirt, please read this.

Number Three: If you're from Canada and have already ordered a shirt, check your email (the one that's hooked up to your PayPal account).

Number Four: Can you believe I haven't been sued yet? I've been waiting for the other shoe to drop for well over a year now. I hope I'm not tempting fate by acknowledging this.

Marmaduke's doghouse has a garage. Get it? It's a doghouse, with a garage! Nobody knows why Marmaduke needs a garage, but he has a garage all the same. What a strange thing for a doghouse to have! So outrageously wacky, so deliciously absurd-- quintessential Marmaduke.