Marmaduke's affair with his owner-lady is gaining new layers of complexity and subtle nuance as their relationship progresses. This strip marks a maturation from Marmaduke's former brand of comedic sex-farce to a sensitive and poignant style of realistic post-Hollywood domestic romance.

OR

Marmaduke wants coffee.

Marmaduke is sleeping on the laps of an elderly couple, each of whom assumed the beast was responsible for the well-being of the other. Octogenerian Marmaduke creator Brad Anderson is here infusing his typical material (large selfish dog, puzzling miss-or-miss jokes masquerading as slice-of-lifeisms (and vice-versa), parade of shamefully lazy and uncredited ghost-artists) with a "write what you know"-style personal slant (early-stage dementia).

Marmaduke will eat anyone who tries to enter his home without saying something Dottie has them memorize, including hastily-sketched women whose clothes aren't all the way shaded in.

Marmaduke is going to eat some donuts. His owner-lady somehow does not realize this was a foregone conclusion the moment they were brought into the house, and it may end up costing her her life.

Whoever taught visual perspective to the ghost-artist Marmaduke creator Brad Anderson gave a handful of nickels and penny-candy to draw today's strip should be burned at the stake.

special "Choose Your Own Joe Mathlete Explains Today's Marmaduke" edition

Marmaduke (bought / stole / is borrowing) five lollipops from a store called the Candy Box to (eat / sell on the black market / give to several of his bastard children in lieu of child support). A concerned and tie-wearing candy salesman places a phone call to a Mrs. Winslow, who is (his supervisor at the candy store / a left-wing candy conservation lobbyist in Washington / Marmaduke's owner-lady, whose surname name I have been unaware of for the thirteen months or so I've been amusing myself with this bullshit), referring to the lollipops as "suckers" because (it is the standard industry term / he is mildly retarded / octogenarian Marmaduke creator Brad Anderson refuses to adjust his comic strip's vocabulary to reflect that it is no longer the 1940s).

T-Shirts now sold out like crazy

You snooze, you don't win. Those of you who did not snooze, expect your confirmation emails and further instructions within the next day or two.

Up next: embroidered napkins? God, I hope not.

"MARMADUKE IS AN ASSHOLE" t-shirts: now totally for sale, for the last time ever

Click here, why don't you. And hurry the heck up... Supplies are crazy limited.

Marmaduke's house, in a clear homage to the magical realism popularized and refined by Latin American authors such as Gabriel Garcia Marquez, Laura Esquivel, and Jorge Luis Borges, has a much larger interior than it does an exterior. This mildly perturbs his owner-man.

Okay, things should be getting back to normal around here

Sorry to keep you hanging or whatever. I've actually been sick for the past few days, which is like a vacation but with throw-ups. Now that I'm all out of throw-ups, I've got an exciting announcement for all you Marmaduke Explanation Enthusiasts out there: the (very short) return of MARMADUKE IS AN ASSHOLE t-shirts. Get excited! Now!


Here's the deal: Turns out I still have a few of these left. They're not doing anyone any good just sitting around my shanty in a box. Tune in tomorrow afternoon for your last-ever chance to purchase a high-quality Hanes cotton blend, white-ink on black fabric (so, basically the opposite of that design up there) t-shirt that will have friends, family and neighbors alike saying "hey, there's a cuss word on your shirt!" When they're gone, they are so gone.

Oh, also, I might as well do what I'm supposed to be doing here, huh?


Marmaduke's thirst for blood ruins another little league game.

Oh dear

I'm sorry about all that... I may need to take a little vacation from this. I guess it was only a matter of time until I hit my breaking point.

We'll see how I feel next Monday, but there really is only so much of this hateful beast a man can take before he turns profane and/or violent so I'm not holding my breath for that quick a recovery. Anyway, perhaps you should read this for now.