This bears mentioning

I'm still explaining Marmaduke, quite regularly. Today this happened and I figured I ought to share.

Here's a link to the new Marmaduke Explained archive again, and here's a way to find a lot of the other stuff I'm writing at 29-95.com. Also you can just google "Joe Mathlete" any old time you want and see what pops up. I've done it before, it's neat. You should try it with your own name, too.

Marmaduke Explained running every Monday Wednesday and Friday

For the time being at least. On 29-95.com, a website on the internet. Check 'em out at http://29-95.com/time-suck; if you click on the tag ("Marmaduke Explained") on any given post you can get to all the previous ones pretty easily.

I've only been doing them a few weeks there and already I've hit my first "just a bunch of all-caps swearing at Brad Anderson" wall. C'est la 'duke.

Marmaduke Explained lives.

Lookit lookit lookit the first post over here at 29-95.com. I'm totally doing these on a regular basis again. They've got RSS feeds and other web two point oh things I honest to god still don't understand, if that makes it easier on you. Also, like I said in my last post I'm writing other stuff (this week is Funniest British and/or Jewish Comedy and/or Music Trios Week, for some reason. I'm also reviewing The Godfather Part III - again, for some reason).

I'm probably one step closer to getting sued. Break out the champagne!

29-95.com - a few words about a thing/future of Marmaduke Explained

So:

I'm writing for a new website, like on an everyday-type basis. It's called 29-95.com and it's based out of Houston, my hometown. They've got most of my stuff in the "Time Suck" section, on account it's SO ADDICTIVE IT LITERALLY SUCKS AWAY YOUR SPARE TIME LIKE A VAMPIRE. So far it's a couple of crudely-drawn comic strips, "Sauce Policy" and "Dating is Hard," as well as a work in a similar vein to my Great American Blog stuff. Some highlights:

What I Think Bruce Springsteen's "Born to Run" Sounds Like, Without Ever Having Heard It

How Was I Not Fired

Can Your Preacher Turn Into an Airplane?

Drawing Index Cards, Live In Person

Ruined Movie Soundtrack Smorgasbord

Now: I know a lot of you never cared too much about the other stuff I've done, and that's cool; I always thought it was silly when the host on SNL wanted to sing a song, regardless of their background or interests or whatever. I mention this here rather than on my other blog for three reasons:

1. It stands to reason this blog just gets more traffic, even when it hasn't been updated in forever (which is often lately)

2. I did mention it on my other blog, in more depth

3. Starting sometime in the next few weeks, I will be doing Joe Mathlete Explains Today's Marmaduke on 29-95 on a regular basis OH SNAP ASHTON!

Still working out some specifics, but yes, after over a year I will be back on a regular schedule explaining Marmaduke. Stay "tuned" for more information; I'll let you know what I know when I know it. For now, if you'd like to read some more in-depth thoughts about the new site, please read 'em here.

Beats,

Joe Mathlete

Marmaduke's owner-man can justify it however he wants, but there is only one explanation: he lets Marmaduke dig because he is a big pussy.

Marmaduke tipped a cab driver with a bone. But presumably he paid the actual fare with cash, which honestly seems much weirder to me...

Sometimes I find myself thinking about these things for too long and it's never good for my health.

Marmaduke creator Brad Anderson has a dim awareness that something significant is going on in the news lately with economics, and he might as well try to write a comic strip about it.

Marmaduke is so big and humongous, it would take a whole entire tow truck just to pull him off the sofa!

Marmaduke is about to sodomize a banker into signing his owner-man's loan papers.

And yes, before I get any emails, Marmaduke will probably eat the banker after he sodomizes him. What else would he do?

Marmaduke vomited the contents of a child's toybox and a couple of femurs onto an old lady.

Taaaaaaaake... Onnnnnn... Meeeeeee...

Marmaduke is yellow on Sundays and brown the rest of the week.

(I don't read the Sunday Marmadukes very often, and with good reason. I don't know what it is but the dialogue reads like it was translated from some another language. A CONFLICT OVER WHO IS THE BOSS isn't exactly A WINNER IS YOU or ALL YOUR BASE ARE BELONG TO US, but I think a copyeditor couldn't hurt here. Also maybe somebody to come up with a joke every now and then.)

Marmaduke is dirty and neither his owner-man nor his owner-lady wants to wash him, both preferring to wash their minivan instead. As I personally would rather wash a car than any large dog, and as this scenario thusly seems to amount to little more than a mundane slice of life, I am concluding that today's Marmaduke has been ghostwritten by American Splendor creator Harvey Pekar, slumming it and floundering accordingly.

Marmaduke is colored by a lazy hack.

And, for that matter, written by a lazy hack.

And drawn by what appears to me to be a rotating team of lazy hacks.

Let me start over: Marmaduke is colored by an industry professional performing at precisely the appropriate level his assignment calls for.

Marmaduke broke his owner-family's heater in order to lure them into his cozy rapecabin (like a doghouse but with a chimney, and rape).

Marmaduke misses his testicles.

1. Marmaduke has been given a pet frog, despite being a pet himself.
2. Marmaduke takes this pet frog on walks, complete with tiny collar and leash.
3. These walks are conducted when Marmaduke himself is taken for a walk (by his owner-man).
4. As a frog travels via hopping (rather than walking), Marmaduke is seen hopping (rather than walking) during this particular walk/hop, most likely to mimic his pet's movement rather than out of necessity.
5. Marmaduke's owner-man is seen hopping as well, despite the fact that such hopping is embarrassing (explicitly) and unnecessary/inconvenient (implicitly).
6. Marmaduke is now published in color, even on weekdays.

All of this is absurd.

Marmaduke has passed out from huffing a carbon monoxide leak.

Sperm joke.