Joe Mathlete is going to not do this for a week

Next week: EXCITING ANNOUNCEMENT!

This week: NAPS!

Marmaduke destroyed or disturbed nearly every item in the house for reasons still at large. His owner-lady offers several hypotheses for the rampage that vary wildly in probability, failing to touch upon the most likely and obvious explanation (Marmaduke felt like it).

Marmaduke's fat, elderly neighbor has been huffing paint thinner again, which does not mix well with his Alzheimer's.

Marmaduke, in an exquisitely ironic bit of comical juxtaposition, is being disobedient on the way to obedience school.

Marmaduke's owner-man and owner-lady are not going to let him watch any more Fred Astaire movies, as they give him horrifically violent seizures.

Marmaduke is licking his owner-girl's mouth because it tastes like strawberries. Though it makes perfect sense for a dog to do this, I still find something about today's Marmaduke vaguely upsetting.

Marmaduke's owner-man, is taking Marmaduke out for a walk. Owner-Man asks Marmaduke to slow down, implying that their walk is a competition rather than exercise. Marmaduke invites Owner-Man (who appears to be suffering from mild cerebral palsy) to kiss his ass.

Marmaduke dug a large hole under his doghouse (the interior of which I could have sworn was supposed to be disproportionately enormous, but asking for continuity out of Marmaduke creator Brad Anderson is like asking your 100-year-old grandpa what he had for dinner last Thursday). Marmaduke's owner-man and fat, elderly neighbor, who tend to have absolutely nothing better to do than lean on their backyard fence and make wisecracks about what Marmaduke is doing, lean on their backyard fence and make wisecracks about what Marmaduke is doing.

Marmaduke is fetching the paper for his owner-man. Marmaduke's concept of "fetching" is limited primarily to the act of getting something and chewing on it; fulfilling his owner-man's wishes is not really part of the process.

Marmaduke is being affectionate to a stranger in order to ruin his owner-man's day. Their relationship is complicated at best.