Marmaduke is cheating on his girlfriend.

Marmaduke stole all his neighbor's newspapers and brought them to his owner-man. If you're wondering why Marmaduke thinks bringing Owner-Man dozens of copies of the same day's newspaper is a nice thing to do for him, rather than something that would just piss him off, you obviously haven't once paid attention to a word I've said.

Marmaduke is trying to use belligerent anger to convince an automobile to do what he wants.

Marmaduke creator Brad Anderson, eternally ten to forty years behind the curve of popular culture, has confused "looking younger" with "looking like a douche."

Marmaduke stole some skis and broke his leg. The entire situation utterly baffles his owner-man.

Marmaduke, who did not know that his owner-man was home and was hoping to surprise his wife, pretends to be asleep. Owner-Man buys the ruse, and the torrid and forbidden affair between Marmaduke and Owner-Lady remains a secret. For now.

Marmaduke stretches the increasingly bizarre and transgressive sexual tension between him and his owner-lady to the breaking point by aggressively propositioning her the only way he knows how. This week has featured the most focused Marmaduke storyline in quite some time, as well as the most disturbing.

Marmaduke's owner-man implied that his wife gave birth to their dog. The psychosexual implications of this Freudian slip are vastly disturbing, particularly in light of recent events.

Marmaduke wants something besides a towel, but I am a gentleman and that is as far as I am explaining this one.

Marmaduke only wants to hang out with his owner-man when it's going to piss him off.