Marmaduke could've sworn that cat was dead, but now he's going to have to sit through one of his owner-lady's boring lectures about not murdering.

Marmaduke prepares to devour a porcine houseguest's piece of cake, then rape her in the missionary position. His owner-girl explains to the woman that this is all perfectly acceptable, because Marmaduke can have anything he wants, and right now Marmaduke wants cake and non-consensual sex with a pig-lady.

Marmaduke is making it painfully obvious that he is coming over to his fat, elderly neighbor's house for one reason and one reason only: to play a game of Backwards Superman.

Marmaduke's owner-man paid a minor to clear snow from his house's walkway, but at some point he or she was intercepted by Marmaduke and compelled (possibly by bribery or trickery, but almost certainly through threats of physical violence) to shovel a path in front of his doghouse. How Marmaduke (who is a dog and cannot speak) was able to communicate his wishes to the snow shoveller is beyond me.

T-SHIRTS, T-SHIRTS, HA CHA CHA

Pre-sale is over; post-pre-sale rages on. Please allow four to six weeks for t-shirts to arrive in your hot little hands.

CLICK HERE AND BUY ONE YOU BEAUTIFUL PERSON YOU.

Marmaduke is on fire. His owner-man makes up a lie about a sauna to ensure that their fat, elderly neighbor does not save him.

Marmaduke and/or his owner-man are being given a traffic ticket because Marmaduke is not wearing his seat belt. Despite the fact that seat belt laws do not apply to dogs in any conceivable scenario, and despite the fact that a seat belt would only serve to injure a dog in the event of an accident, Marmaduke and/or his owner-man are being given a traffic ticket because Marmaduke is not wearing his seat belt.

Today's the last day to pre-order your very own MARMADUKE IS AN ASSHOLE t-shirt. You can post-pre-order them too, but that's not nearly as fun. What are you waiting for? Click the thing to go to the thing to get the thing! Do it!

Marmaduke, due to his considerable proportions, is able to sit on a couch the way a person would. His owner-lady tries to spin this to her friend as though Marmaduke is a groundbreaking obedience prodigy with a bold and exciting take on a common pet command, rather than just a huge fucking dog who steals your couch when you have company over.

(speaking of crass consumerism, the MARMADUKE IS AN ASSHOLE T-Shirt Pre-Order Fiesta has two more days to go... If you want to be the first kid on your block to tell your mom just how much of a jerk Marmaduke is via a swear word on a t-shirt, and also receive but not directly pay for an index card with something I drew on it that you suggested to me, you have very few other options)

Marmaduke's owner-girl jokingly makes reference to an old superstition in order to explain to her friend that her hulking, monstrous dog hunts down and mauls every cat he meets.

Marmaduke put the bone in the toaster.