Marmaduke isn't given allowance by his-- wait, holy shit, today's Marmaduke is actually kind of funny. What the fuck is going on here.

Marmaduke stole something. His owner-lady is so distressed that she dials a telephone upside-down.

Marmaduke hit his owner-man with a chain to tell him it's time for a 4 AM walk. Owner-Man offers up a fanciful yet impractical alternative that will likely result in Marmaduke hitting him with the chain again.

Marmaduke's owner-lady found a membership certificate to something called the "Bone of the Month Club" in the mail and naturally assumed it was Marmaduke's. In reality, the certificate was made by Marmaduke and intended for her, a relatively cute and clever new tactic in his never-ending quest to subtly communicate to her, in the only way he knows how, that he wants to fuck her.

Marmaduke creator Brad Anderson is proving he is still relevant in the 21st century by tempering his usual blend of phantom humor, obtuse logic and shit-blisteringly shameless recycling with a reference to a hit television program of which he possesses a vague awareness.

Marmaduke is showing his owner-man a clock. Owner-Man for some reason interprets this gesture to mean that Marmaduke wants to go on a walk when in fact Marmaduke is just bragging that he has a new clock.

Marmaduke's obsessive-compulsive disorder is mistaken by his owner-man as athletic ambition.

Marmaduke needed to retrieve his bone, and when Marmaduke needs to retrieve his bone the last thing he cares about is whether or not he is ruining a child's afternoon in the process.

Marmaduke is trying to tell his fat, elderly neighbors that he is going to kill and eat them. The hole in the screen is entirely incidental.

Marmaduke ate the mail.