Marmaduke is dead.

Marmaduke's owner-man offers up a fatalistic zen-like aphorism on the futility of 21st century life that doubles as an explanation of his huge stupid dog's behavior.

Marmaduke is bi-curious. And not the least bit shy about it.

Marmaduke is an asshole.

So I just moved a few weeks ago. I'm still unpacking and settling in, and this evening I asked my roommate what I should work on. She said "why don't you do Marmaduke again?" and I realized I hadn't updated this blog since just after we moved. I look at today's strip, hoping I'd be inspired to unleash some deliciously clever wit on Brad Anderson's latest brainfart. Instead I find the above cartoon, and am forced to once again revert to the closest thing to a catchphrase I have authored in my silly little life.

My roommate, to her credit, discouraged me from taking the easy way out, but when asked what the hell else I could possibly say about this comic strip (without just mentioning my last entry and writing about vomit), she was at a similar loss and could only offer up "I don't know... Something about TV trays?"

So yeah. Marmaduke is an asshole.

Marmaduke is doing a blind taste test. Marmaduke's owner-family refuses to buy him dog food that isn't made from vomit, which finally explains to me exactly why he's such an asshole.

In light of this discovery, I may not need to ever update this blog again.

Marmaduke is forcibly dry-humping his owner-man. Marmaduke's attention-starved owner-lady blathers something about eating some weird kind of pie, but Marmaduke's perturbed/sassy glance towards the reader indicates that he cares infinitely less about her eating habits than about dry-humping.

Marmaduke, according to his owner-man, chug-a-lugged (sic) his food so fast he got hiccups (also colloquially referred to as "whif-ups," or sometimes "whuf-ups"). For some reason Marmaduke's food dish has been placed upon a teeny little table. His owner-lady peers out from behind a wall that disappears into her dog's hindquarters. None of this counts as a proper joke.

I know I sound like a broken record, but I really do hate this comic strip.

Marmaduke is afraid of cats.

Wait, what the fuck?

Marmaduke is an asshole.

I am talking about the internet tomorrow (in real life)

If you want to watch it on your computer, here is some information (copypasted from an email I just got):

"LIVE-STREAMING: ROFLCon panels/talks will be live-streamed on USTREAM! We think this will be comforting for everyone on the interwebs who can't come to this crazy event. If you would like to comfort your fans, please blog this/twitter it/shout it from the rooftops! URL: http://www.ustream.tv/channel/roflcon-live"

I will be speaking at 1 pm Eastern time on a panel with the Chuck Norris Facts guy, the Bert is Evil guy, the One Red Paperclip guy, and the JibJab guy. If any of this sounds like something that would interest you, you might find this interesting.

Someday I will make another post about Marmaduke, I swear.