Marmaduke is suffering from agoraphobia.

Marmaduke is getting an early start on his Christmas wish list.

Marmaduke punishes an elegantly-dressed houseguest's lack of specificity with a sly lapful of frottage.

You stop for a ball?

You stop for a ball?

You stop for a ball?

Marmaduke's hubris prevents him from conceding defeat to his echo.

Marmaduke's breath should smell good because he ate his fat elderly neighbor-lady's scented candles and now his breath should smell the way that candles smelled (good). All we can tell for certain is that Marmaduke is full of sparkly magic fairy dust.

STOP

STOP IT

JESUS CHRIST STOP IT

THE MOONWALK GOES BACKWARDS

THERE IS NO HOPPING INVOLVED

NONE

BRAD ANDERSON WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU

WHAT ARE THE DOGCATCHERS EVEN TALKING ABOUT AND WHY IS THEIR TRUCK FLOATING

MARMADUKE LOOKS SO HORRIFYING

JESUS FUCK STOP IT

I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU

WHY DO YOU KEEP DOING THIS

EVERYTHING YOU CREATE IS CANCER AND MADNESS

HOW ARE YOU STILL ALIVE

Marmaduke is having a staring contest. Marmaduke's owner-lady does not know what some things, like staring contests, are called.

Sunday Edition

I think it's almost enough to just post Sunday installments of Marmaduke without comment.

"Lazy" and "senile" are not satisfactory excuses; you would have to be missing a chromosome to create this and think you have just crafted an acceptable comic strip. Having said that, I do like how Marmaduke's owner-man is drawn wearing a puffy chef's hat while grilling steaks in his backyard, thus eliminating any potential confusion as to what he is actually doing.

Fuck this shit

First of all, it's called "The Blog of Hilarity" (www.blogofhilarity.com). Strike one and strike two and strike three.

Second of all: "Marmaduke Monday."

Someone brought this to my attention this weekend. The guy who writes it seems to usually stick to by-the-numbers religious intolerance, Pavlovian fratboy misogyny and sports, so it's not something I really keep up with. But the fellow turned out to be a bit of a risk-taker, and he took it upon himself to venture into the exciting and uncharted territories of Exactly What I Do Here.

And then did it again. And again.

I'm not particularly vain or anything; seeing somebody else to secretly usurp my Marmaduke Explaining throne or whatever the fuck is going on there (more likely scenario: he's just really unoriginal and incredibly dim) isn't so much a threat to my ego as it is a sharp reminder as to how stupid this blog really is (to be honest, I'd be surprised if I had another six months in me; barrelfish hunting gets tedious after awhile anyway). But also, y'know... Guy's kind of a douche, huh? Regardless of "Marmaduke Mondays" (currently, his most popular article is "That NYPD cop that got shot has an f-able girlfriend") but especially in light of it.

Anyway, whatever. I'm taking a break for at least a couple days. If you're bored, I fixed an episode of a terrible television show over here; go watch it if you like. Or just read all Blog of Hilarity entries tagged with "fatties gets no love" if you're thirsting for a dose of clever, forward-thinking parody "as seen on ESPN, Slate, Deadspin, Gawker, AOL and more."