Marmaduke is eating a bowl of fireworks for breakfast while his owner-boy blurts out non-sequiturs.

Marmaduke's owner-man has been reading my blog.

Marmaduke and his owner-girl are looking at pornography. Put on the spot when her father walks in the room, Owner-Girl panics and offers up the least plausible explanation in the history of Being Caught Looking At Computer Porn By Your Dad while frantically closing browser windows.

Marmaduke is cheating on his girlfriend.

Marmaduke stole all his neighbor's newspapers and brought them to his owner-man. If you're wondering why Marmaduke thinks bringing Owner-Man dozens of copies of the same day's newspaper is a nice thing to do for him, rather than something that would just piss him off, you obviously haven't once paid attention to a word I've said.

Marmaduke is trying to use belligerent anger to convince an automobile to do what he wants.

Marmaduke creator Brad Anderson, eternally ten to forty years behind the curve of popular culture, has confused "looking younger" with "looking like a douche."

Marmaduke stole some skis and broke his leg. The entire situation utterly baffles his owner-man.

Marmaduke, who did not know that his owner-man was home and was hoping to surprise his wife, pretends to be asleep. Owner-Man buys the ruse, and the torrid and forbidden affair between Marmaduke and Owner-Lady remains a secret. For now.

Marmaduke stretches the increasingly bizarre and transgressive sexual tension between him and his owner-lady to the breaking point by aggressively propositioning her the only way he knows how. This week has featured the most focused Marmaduke storyline in quite some time, as well as the most disturbing.